A Modest Proposal to Add Jobs and Reduce Injuries

There are thousands of door-related accidents each year. The Consumer Product Safety Commission should do its bit by requiring that a professionally trained doorman open and shut all doors for door-users. That would create millions of jobs not just as doormen but as Doorman trainers (they’d have to be properly certified so that people aren’t exposed to the horrors of “cowboy” doormen) and also in the apparel industry as doormen need to look smart, with epaulettes and caps. The Amalgamated Union of Door Openers and Kindred Workers could have exclusive representation to ensure the doormen have adequate working conditions and to ensure demarcation from competing trades such as window openers. Of course the political power of the new union would be considerable — imagine the effects of a strike!

In related news:

On March 15, 2011, the Environmental Protection Agency, or EPA, proposed the first-ever standards that would require coal-fired power plants to reduce their emissions of toxic air pollutants, including mercury, arsenic, and lead. The public health benefits of limiting these emissions have been well-documented by both scientists and medical professionals. But a lesser-known fact is the proposed rules are expected to create nearly 360,000 jobs and generate almost $200 billion in capital improvements by 2015. These standards are also achievable: 60 percent of all coal-fired boilers that submitted stack test data to the EPA are already achieving the proposed mercury limits. (Emphasis added)

Only 360,000 jobs? These people don’t think big enough.