Al Gore Gives Me Hope for a Better World

Public transportation is often wearisome. Today, for example, I missed my metro train from Northern Virginia to Washington, DC because a portly tourist took ten minutes to pump a roll of nickels into the ticket machine. Yesterday, the bus I take from outside my residence to the metro station failed to arrive altogether, which left me sweating in the mid-Atlantic July heat and humidity for forty minutes. And last weekend, engineers were performing track work on both the metro lines I use to get to my other job, so the fifteen mile trip took more than 2 hours.

But I’m not complaining. Instead, this is a story about hope. Specifically, it’s about my hope to emulate Al Gore. I want to be like Al Gore for the same reason I listen to rap stars—I covet their conspicuous consumption. Al Gore was born into wealth, but he has made even more money by talking about global warming.

Al is so rich that he doesn’t have to use public transit like me. His main form of travel is a luxurious Lear jet. When he does have to drive around, he uses 2 big black SUV’s, which he leaves idling outside wherever he stops to make speeches about global warming. That way, he can keep the AC on.

I am thankful that I have heroes like Al Gore and rap stars in my life, because they give me hope for a better world, one in which I’ll never have to use public transportation.