Congress Has No Right To Make Me Uglier

Some time ago, I reported to the CEI staff, their close friends, and the readers of that Congress’s ethanol policies were making me uglier, by making tequila less affordable.

Unfortunately, Uncles Sam’s at it again. Legislation is winding its way through both chambers that would ban soft, incandescent lightbulbs and force everyone to use instead compact fluorescent light bulbs, because the latter are more energy efficient than the former.

I don’t look good in the harsh, preternaturally-white glare that emanates from these bulbs. According to my colleague Cord Blomquist, in this light, my exposed flesh looks like uncooked pizza dough.

Given that I’m balding, which puts me in an oppressed minority, isn’t this egregious? I mean, I have to tread twice as hard just to keep my hairless pate above the waterline — why does the federal government keep trying to pull me under?

Congress can take my money. And it can curtail my freedom with its ridiculous rules and regulations. But must it make me uglier?