Iain, I agree that only the most humorless wretch could refrain from laughter in the face of the Sheryl Crow/Laurie David juggernaut of pretension. But as we know, these two green colossi do not stand alone. Following quick on Sheryl’s suggestion of a maximum limit of three squares of toilet paper per restroom visit, come comments by venerable ABC newslady Diane Sawyer:
Let’s talk trees. The average American rips off three feet of toilet paper in each visit to the bathroom. Stack up the rolls of toilet paper and those 2,025 rolls of paper towels you’ve seen and the average lifetime of newspapers, magazines, catalogs, phone books, and I alone, in my lifetime, will have chopped down 411 trees. Think what that means when all of us are doing it.
Fortunately, Diane didn’t literally have to chop down her own trees or make her own toilet paper, but we know what she means. Just think – 411 trees for every middle-aged network news personality in the country! This could be serious. Very serious, until one remembers that privately managed wood and paper companies re-plant more trees than they harvest. Whew – that was close.
Don’t get too comfortable though. It turns out that it’s not the toilet paper that’s the problem; it’s the toilets themselves that are the “environmental disaster.” Et tu, Flush King?