Cows Are Destroying the Earth

And I thought the IPCC Fourth Assessment (see below) was good news. Now I know that we humans really are off the hook when it comes to destroying the earth, the climate and everything. Turns out cows are to blame:

Meet the world’s top destroyer of the environment. It is not the car, or the plane, or even George Bush: it is the cow.

A United Nations report has identified the world’s rapidly growing herds of cattle as the greatest threat to the climate, forests and wildlife. And they are blamed for a host of other environmental crimes, from acid rain to the introduction of alien species, from producing deserts to creating dead zones in the oceans, from poisoning rivers and drinking water to destroying coral reefs.

I haven’t taken the time to read through this report yet, so I’m not sure hows cows destroy coral reefs (high impact scuba holidays?), but I’m sure there’s a very real connection somewhere. In addition to the litany of “environmental crimes” above, I suspect a few of the more radical cows have been guilty of tree spiking and monkeywrenching at construction sites.

Now that we know what the real problem is, though, we can look for a solution. I nominate Argentina, legendary land of beef, to take the lead on this one. If they can manage to sacrifice their decadent, tasty, beef-fueled lifestyles in order to save the earth, certainly the rest of us will be inspired to follow.